I Can Has...

A few nights ago I was outside work, taking a quick smoke break. Smoke breaks are always kind of odd for me, because it’s 5-10 minutes of complete idle time that I use to re-cooperate. At the same time though, they can be really boring and awkward. Hence, this particular day I was peering in at the office of our CTO at Contegix. You see, management just moved into some new offices, so blinds aren’t up yet, and our CTO’s office is like a glass box of sorts. Knowing him, it likely drives him a bit crazy, which may explain why I don’t seem to see him in there often. Maybe it’s just bad timing though. Anyways, I believe I’m drifting from my overarching point in this rambling mess of a story…

I was standing there peering into that office, and thinking of how nice it’d be to have such an office. I mean, it’s not overly large, it’s not incredibly fancy, but it’s his. It’s his desk, chair, monitor, etc. It is a gorgeous desk though, and so large, with soooo much space to work in. When I spin it around though, and look at it from my perspective had I been the one sitting in that chair, at that desk, using that monitor, I’d realize it as such a major accomplishment for me. It seems odd, but something so simple as your own space, your own office, would be like a crowning achievement for me. I’m not sure if you’ve ever seen the movie Singles though, but sometimes I feel like that girl (sap) with her long list of wants in a man (except, I’m a man, and don’t really want a man). By the end of the movie though, she just wants a man who blesses her when she sneezes. I think I’m getting to that point, where like, a cubicle would be a win. Don’t get me wrong, Contegix does me really good, and treats me right. I’m not jealous of my CTO’s office, I’m jealous of his achievements. I don’t want his materialistic possessions (well, okay, maybe a little), I want his success and the respect he commands from those around him. I guess what I’m saying is I want to earn the right to an office or cubicle such as that. I want that achievement in life, that milestone.

I just can’t help but feel at times that I haven’t put enough into the game yet. I’ve accomplished a lot, and I’ve hit some milestones. However, I still feel like I’m so incredibly far from the mythical places that I want to reach. Hence, whilst I stood there, peering into that office I realized it’s time to bear down, and work harder. I have a lot more to accomplish in life, and I’m in my theoretical prime now. If I’m going to start seizing opportunities, I better get started soon before all my chances, hopes, and dreams erode into absolute waste.

I’m going to start trying harder, applying myself more, and focus more on what’s important to me. Pinning down what’s important to me is a difficult task though, since I am so multi-faceted at times. There’s a large chunk of sys-admin in me to go along with the developer aspect of my abilities. Personally, I think it makes for a nice mix, but at the same time it can be distracting. So many shiny things to play with, so little time I suppose :).Anyways, I hope to produce more blog entries showcasing more of what I’m working on. At times it’ll be code, at other times it’ll just be random cool open source applications I’m using. I hope to get back to contributing to the open source community more in the future as well. It’s been awhile since I’ve been a good open source citizen,so I’ll be getting myself back on track there. Expect cool things though, because I’m more focused and determined than ever.